It hit me last night that I’ve done a really lousy job of this. I’ve been so focused on putting on a cheery face and a positive all-is-great attitude so that the Universe will deem me worthy of getting back my eyesight that I punish myself every time I make a misstep.
If I feel sad it means I’m focusing on my loss and drawing negative energy my way. If desperation sometimes overtakes me, it means that I’m not trusting and allowing that it’s out there for me. If I take a day off from staring into a color therapy lamp, applying micro current stimulation to my eyes and doing deep breathing to increase blood flow and circulation to my eyes along with every other thing I try, it means I’m not doing what it takes to earn back my vision. If I don’t accept my current lack of eyesight while I hold on to hope that an answer will soon materialize, it means I’m making my life harder for those I love.
As I laid in bed last night pummeling myself for having all of these emotions, I realized I needed to take a step back and just love myself — and give myself some grace for being human.
I think it’s human nature to stuff down grief and trauma and charge forward with our lives, believing that if we give into the feelings it means we are somehow weak or not resilient. But I’ve realized that this approach can be really harmful.
So I’m setting out on a new quest today. I’m really going to focus on self compassion and love. I’m going to be kind to myself when these emotions bubble up and trust that the Universe has my back anyway. My first step in self love is to admit that I have these emotions and that it’s okay. And tonight, instead of immersing myself in another self-help book in search of an answer, I’m going to settle into my hot tub with a full glass of wine and Billie Holiday singing away — and afterward, I might even indulge in some dark chocolate.
Okay — now it’s your turn. How are you showing yourself some compassion and love? Please let me know so I can share it here. And in the meantime, know that I am sending lots of love your way.
Hot bath, Billie Holiday and Dark chocolate….mostly Billie Holiday. Yes!! Sending love and compassion your way.
kat
Thanks so much for your note, Kat. Yes … Billie Holiday definitely helped along with a glass of wine. 🙂 I hope you’re doing well. As an FYI, we are working on our Austrian citizenships and feel like we are getting close. Fingers crossed.
Not certain that the universe has anything to do with ‘it’ since the universe is a created entity. Nevertheless, the precision with which the universe and our solar system works certainly does preclude its intelligent design by the Creator and that’s good news. Our human eye has so many distinct parts that it absolutely points to that Creator who intelligently designed it. If so than he can download into vision researchers the way to repair it and/or recreate it and that is soon coming. If the eye was developed by ‘evolution’ then which part came first or did all the parts occur at once? Obviously the Intelligent designer and Creator both designed and created it – the genome project which is complete proves this … there is a specific mathematical non-random sequencing in the genetic code which points to the fact that the human eye was designed and that is really exciting since the cures for RP and other disorders will not occur through random mystical processes, but through carefully designed scientific therapies. Even genetic testing has undergone dramatic advances. Fifteen years ago they could not determine what type of RP I had … so I had no clusure for decades. Today, after receiving my results from May 2022, I know exactly what my RP ‘type’ is and now we can take action … just like the Creator did. (smile) In Hebrew it is called ‘tikun olam’ or ‘repairing the world/universe (which according to our Rabbinic teachers and the Christian gospel too … is quite broken, though showing order eg. the solar system, the genome) … look around and see if you can find anything without ‘design’. Design requires a designer. Does the human eye have a design? Absolutely. Nevertheless, the cures are in sight. (smile)
🙂
Thank you for this honest post. I agree, it can be so hard to cut ourselves a break! One thing that helps me is that saying, You did the best you could at the time. I keep that in mind when I start feeling overwhelmed or overly critical towards things that might not turn out as perfectly as I’d hoped. I’m so glad you’re going to try to go easier on yourself – and that chocolate is a part of it. Chocolate heals so much, in my humble opinion. My self-care and self-love definitely involve chocolate! Also escaping into a good story, whether a book, movie, or podcast. I hope you’re feeling better. Good luck on this road to loving and forgiving yourself.
Thank you so much for these words, Alysa. Yeah, I think it is so easy to beat ourselves up and I’m going to use your mantra for myself – and more chocolate. Sending love from Seattle.